My desire to be the best grandmother I can be is one of the most important things to me. That these children don’t have to see the side of me that my children did. Not towards them, but towards my abusive husbands.
Although, some days these little ones give me a run for my money. The fighting and bickering among the older cousins can be exhausting.
I love these babies so much, not more than I did their parents. I just know about mental illness now, unlike when their fathers were young. I had no idea that something was wrong with me. I don’t think in the beginning I was ill. I believe years of verbal abuse about my size and everything else he thought was wrong with me caused my illnesses. And I have been fighting the good fight ever since. I wouldn’t say I am winning the fight, but I am definetly not losing.
I wake up everyday witht the mentallity of just that. “Today is a new day!” I can pick and choose what version of me that I am going to be. I love me today, so far.