Best Version Of Me, Blog

My Desire To Be Their Grandma Jill

The reasons I keep my crap together as much as I do

My desire to be the best grandmother I can be is one of the most important things to me. That these children don’t have to see the side of me that my children did. Not towards them, but towards my abusive husbands.

Although, some days these little ones give me a run for my money. The fighting and bickering among the older cousins can be exhausting.

I love these babies so much, not more than I did their parents. I just know about mental illness now, unlike when their fathers were young. I had no idea that something was wrong with me. I don’t think in the beginning I was ill. I believe years of verbal abuse about my size and everything else he thought was wrong with me caused my illnesses. And I have been fighting the good fight ever since. I wouldn’t say I am winning the fight, but I am definetly not losing.

I wake up everyday witht the mentallity of just that. “Today is a new day!” I can pick and choose what version of me that I am going to be. I love me today, so far.

Blog, Granddaughters

Granddaughters

What a week it has been. I had my granddaughters most of the week. The four year old has been not feeling well. Apparently her dad told her the other day that she was being rude. So now when we say anything she doesn’t like we are being rude. Children. The six year old I splashed in the pool and she called me a chubby bitch. So, now I’m wondering who she heard call me a fat bitch. She knows fat is a bad word. My mom said that’s just kids she didn’t hear anyone say that about you. I can’t help but wonder. I know Anaya loves me, she is only four. And Adalyn is my buddy. I don’t think she will do it again. It just slipped out! Hmmm! A grandmothers love for her grandchildren is unfaltering!