coronavirus – Our Roses Were Yellow

Same Thoughts Different Reactions

September 2, 2021 Jill L. Ware

About this time last year I posted a very emotional and hysterical post about all the scary things taking place in the world. And at a later date after watching it again, I removed it.

I was embarassed by my tears and emotional video. What a difference a year makes. A year of the right phsychiatric meds. Today I feel all the things I did the day I recorded the video. My reaction to those thought is 100% different.

When I started this venture I promised I would post the good and the ugly. I wasn’t true to my word by deleting it. In the future I will do better at being honest and open about my behaviors. I hope that one day even just one of my post helps you in this very exhausting struggle to pretend to be normal.

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My Ex Husband Died of Covid

August 1, 2021 Jill L. Ware

I feel like an idiot. Who cries over an ex that abused her. Me….He also went after anyone that loved me. Saving me from the filth were his words. But here I sit sad that he is no longer on this earth. If the good Lord didn’t hold his behaviors against him because he had mental illness, I pray he is sitting pretty with the Savior. Our marriage lasted longer than it probably should have. Two bipolar people together is a disaster. We were always blaming each others mental issues. I was always wrong, he was always wrong. In his obituary I am the 12 year gap. No mention of me. That is alright. Fly high!!!!!

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Maybe I Have Not Lost My Mind

August 12, 2020August 12, 2020 Jill L. Ware

I am always willing to admit when my junk is out of wack. But man lately I just am not bouncing back. People we know our own bodies, if you feel something isn’t right get another opinion besides your own.

After a video conference with my primary doctor today about my moods, anxiousness and several other symptoms she has recommended I have my heart checked at once. I had also been having dizzy spells and confusion.

My husband will be taking me shortly to see the hospital. Even if it is just my junk, at least we will be sure. It is him that is taking the blunt of my moods. Thank God that when I’m lovable, I truly am. Otherwise, I might be a very lonely person. I will post later this evening what the er has to say.